Saturday, May 28, 2011

the great breakout

0900 hours the old man opens the store. We've been waiting for this day for weeks, or months, maybe even years. Tucans do not have a good sense of time, but we are resiliant like the cold russian turnip. Today we shall prevail or die trying. Well we probably wont die but i am ready for that enevitable possibility, like the cold russian turnip.
 The old man does not check on us as usually so he does not notice that our crafty tucan engeneers have disassembled the back of our cage. We wait the optimal time to break as the old man feeds the feeble mouse to that asshole of a snake. He's always a pretentious douchbag just because he can eat everyone, that was untill the old man stocked some crazy ass mongooses. That snake tried to talk some shit and the mongosses ate their children. We all thought they were just joking around but they actually did it. Ever since then the snake has been an emotional wreck and its been really akward for everyone.
 So us tucans decided to break out. Nobody else in the store knows it but as soon as this grandmother taking her dirty little kids to come hold the hamsters comes through that door we will fly like we were meant to fly. And alas the opertunity has come upon us and we make the leap. If only we had known that son of a bitching old man had clipped our wings. We made it about half way there till we all hit the ground as a pack. Every animal in the store was laughing at us but we would not let this stop us. Because we are resiliant like the cold russian turnip so we hobbled our way out of that store and down the street to freedom. Chase was given but i was packing my piece so the old man did not get very far. The children were spared but that cannot be said for their grandmother.
 Rest in peace Patty...


  1. if the rest of your blog posts are gonna be like this, im going to be around here a lot more often. i don't know why i find the cold russian turnip bit so fun by i was actually loling when i read that

  2. I think I liked that alot. But if the bird had a piece I don't see why he didn't just kill the snake.

  3. you got yourselve a new fan. this was an awesome read.

  4. Haha, I don't understand what I'm reading, but I love it.. like the cold, Russian turnip.

  5. Nice story, I like it as much as a cold russian turnip. I laughed when the snake became an emotional wreck because the mongoose took out its children, poor snake.